Feature Overview

How to use BeanzMachine (A.K.A. “bmash”): Your message MUST contain “bmash” or be in a dedicated bmash server for BeanzMachine to read it.

Some things you can do:

• Say hi! Bmash will respond to many common greetings.

• Make decisions! Enter the options separated by the word “or” or commas and end with “?” For example: “bmash qp, mh, or lucioball?”

• Pick things! Bmash can select any of the following:
  • Numbers
  • Colors
  • Culinary cuisines
  • Animals
  • Tarot cards
  • Playing cards
  • Magic: The Gathering commander cards
  • Song recommendations (user submitted)
  • Overwatch heroes
  • Valorant agents
  • Inspirational quotes
  • Compliments
  • Fortune cookie fortunes
  • Personality traits
  • Buzzfeed quizzes (trending)

  Most selections are supplemented with images.

• Get synonyms! Ask for a synonym of a word.

• Get anagrams! Ask for an anagram of a word.

• Generate Dungeons & Dragons characters! Ask for a DnD character to generate a full character sheet and backstory.

• Convert time zones! If your message has a time in it, followed by a time zone, bmash will convert it to all other continental U.S. time zones.

• Ask for an inspirational quote! Ask for an “inspiration” or similar word for a random quote.

• Validate stuff! Use “validate”, “confirm”, or “verify” in your message for bmash’s opinion.

• Convey a message! Begin your message with “Tell [recipient name here]”.

• Pick an Overwatch/Valorant character! Ask bmash for a hero/agent of any class from either game.

• Get a gif! Include “gif” in your message to get a random gif matching your message.

• Get a question! Include “question” in your message to get a random question.

• Play hangman! Say “!hangman” to start a game of hangman!

• Convert time zones! Enter a time (e.g. 4 pt) for U.S. time zone conversions.

• Generate a fantasy name! Ask for a name and optionally specify a length with a digit.

• Pick a random number! Roll a dice (e.g. “roll a d20”) or ask for a number in a given range.

• Get a fortune cookie message! Ask for a fortune to find your destiny.

• Be appreciated! Ask for a compliment and bmash will tell you why you’re great.

• Ask Wolfram Alpha! Bmash will look up your question if he doesn’t have an answer.

• Search Google! Ask Bmash to Google a query and he will return the first result snippet, if found.

• Generate memes! Use the “!meme” command followed by an image search prompt and a caption in quotes.

• Summarize websites! Tell bmash to summarize a link to a website and he will do his best to condense its content to about 2000 characters.

• Identify resistors! Use the “!resistor” command followed by a list of color bands to identify a resistor value.

Settings

Greetings

Tarot Readings

Playing Cards

Meme Generation

Security

Channel Access

Bmash only parses messages that:

• include bmash or beanzmachine,
• directly @mention Bmash,
• or are sent in a dedicated channel (configured with the bmash !addchannel command by a server admin).

Message Visibility

• Messages to and from Bmash are never stored.
• Direct messages to and from Bmash are never visible to anyone.

• Messages are never used for training or data collection.

  Exceptions:

• Messages to and from Bmash in server channels may be screened during active hours for testing.
• Bug reports and feature suggestions filed with the !bug and !feature commands are stored in Bmash’s server.
• Library additions filed with the !add[library] family of commands are stored in Bmash’s server.

Controlled Output

Bmash’s output is not AI-driven or generative. All output is deliberate and screened.
However, note that online searches are not controlled.

Bmash also features a blacklist of unsafe topics that he will not engage.

Closed Beta

Bmash is currently in a closed beta state. Only screened QA assistants can converse with Bmash.

Closed Source

Bmash is closed-source. Bmash’s backend is only accessible by its developer (that’s me, hi!).

Extra

Bonus Video

My good friend drew their impression of bmash and it makes me very happy <3

Bonus Gallery